Get Your LOLz@Lame Bush

So, way over there to the right, you might notice this thingy that says "Twitter updates". Have you checked out this Twitter thing? It's hard to explain...it's like one or two sentences of what might be going on with you in that particular moment. It's just another one of those useless social networking sites that took me a while to get into, but now I find that I'm about halfway addicted to it. (Don't ask me why, because I could not flippin' tell ya.) You can sign up to "follow" people, and they can "follow" you, and there ya have it. Someone suggested that I "follow" a Twitterer called Lame Bush. Basically, it's told as if this person is George Bush, talking to Barack Obama, giving him tips on what to expect when he gets into the White House. One liners, and you're only getting it from Bush's perspective. I think it's clever and hilarious....and I've taken the liberty of copying many of his Twitter entries for your perusal. I don't think it really matters what your political affiliation is....come on, this shit is funny!




Ugh! Packing! about 23 hours ago from Twittelator

I could understand if it was North Korea. But in the South? Really? Not one TV in the whole bar is on the biggest NASCAR race of the year? 11:15 AM Nov 30th from web

Every damn year I pardon the smallest turkey. Like who's not making that call? 12:02 AM Nov 27th from Twittelator

Cheney keeps bumping into me in the halls. Or he'll step in front of me then suddenly stop. I think he's trying to get me to say "pardon." 9:47 AM Nov 25th from web

I was thinking about doing up a slideshow about all our fun times here. I could play that real slow Green Day tune. Not the one from Dookie. 2:28 PM Nov 24th from web

You understand when I say "from where I'm sitting" I just mean my perspective, right? Like my vantage point? Not literally the actual chair. 4:54 PM Nov 18th from web

You’ll get Ikea, but they won’t let you order anything. Like it’s gonna ruin the décor or something. God forbid a lamp was made after 1492.... 12:27 PM Nov 17th from web

Area 51 is just an Air Force base. They keep all the freaky stuff at Area 52. Ask about goat boy, that kid is weird. 6:34 PM Nov 15th from web

Is that your other line or mine? 12:23 PM Nov 15th from web

Picture my face, sitting there with like a 68-pound steak while everyone else eats salads. Carter will punk you. Just a question of when. 10:15 AM Nov 15th from web

I was thinking about appointing some judges or something, but it's past 5:00 on a Friday. So I'm gonna finish off the week with some Tetris. 6:18 PM Nov 14th from web

No, rednecks aren't just American. Like, you know who's a redneck? Qadaffi... Oh, my God. You should totally take him a peeing Calvin. 2:01 PM Nov 14th from web

I never said Animals isn't great. But now if you're talking desert island, I'm going Dark Side, Wish You Were Here and The Wall. That order. 6:31 PM Nov 13th from web

You know what will probably freak me out the most? The first time somebody hands me money with a picture of my head on it. 12:00 PM Nov 13th from web

So anytime you want something, just hit that little doorbell thing with your foot. One ring means your iced tea is low. Two is more bread. 2:40 PM Nov 12th from web

Everything that happened along the way plays back through your mind and that's when you realize it. Bruce Willis was dead the whole movie. 9:36 PM Nov 11th from web

I was bored so I put all the takeout menus in a little blue binder for you. Wang's is right on top. Promise me you'll do the shrimp. 6:53 PM Nov 11th from web

It's pretty solid, but I think you should push it a little more. Remember, good codenames are the enemy of great codenames. 9:31 PM Nov 10th from web

Sometimes I just sit in his lap and think about everything. They have to block off the whole monument for that though. 9:10 PM Nov 10th from web

Air hockey, Skeeball, Pop-a-Shot. I'm telling you, it's a regular Chuck E. Cheese right there in the basement. They don't have pizza though. 3:22 PM Nov 10th from web

So when you get to Camp David flip that switch before you even unpack. That way you'll have hot water. 12:11 PM Nov 10th from web

Tons of early Eagles, Heart, Journey. Some is protected, but there's still like 140gig in tunes on here. Just look under Shared, Music, W. 10:02 AM Nov 10th from web

With all the crazy stuff that goes on around here, somebody should do a book about this place. Hell I'd buy it. 10:38 PM Nov 9th from web

Example? Let's see. There’s a dude called the Deputy Chief of Staff, but he doesn't really carry a gun or a badge. It’s a figure of speech.... 7:18 PM Nov 9th from web

You learn a lot just listening. Like what's that country that starts with Y? What is it? Yeah, yeah. I didn't even know that place existed. 6:25 PM Nov 9th from web

But everyone's pretty cool though. They'll let you come and go as you please as long as you get all your work done. 4:23 PM Nov 9th from web

Sure. I can hold. 1:43 PM Nov 9th from web

Plus, you can call anybody and they pretty much have to take it. Like once I called Frank Gifford just to ask if he was still alive. He was. 12:49 PM Nov 9th from web

Like once I asked, "How do they make Cher's voice sound like that in that song?" They'll even do you up a book report on stuff like that. 11:52 AM Nov 9th from web

I know, right? When I first saw it I was like, "Whaaa? You expect me to mow all this?" But no, no, they totally have people for that. 9:37 AM Nov 9th from web

You know what, I think I know where the confusion is now. See where I come from, "barbecue" is the actual meat itself, not just a cookout. 11:06 PM Nov 8th from web

So I said, “If you think that’s torture try sitting through a damn G8 summit.” I mean, wake me up when that deal is over, you know? Come on.... 9:57 PM Nov 8th from web

I'm not kidding either. Five times in eight years, tops. So now I guess I'm supposed to just toss out like 5000 business cards. 8:20 PM Nov 8th from web

Cause the last thing you want is to get all the way to the East Wing and realize you left the side door to the Oval unlocked. 2:02 PM Nov 8th from Twittelator

But yeah, it's just firstname@whitehouse.com. I mean, unless there's already somebody with your first name. I don't think there is though. 11:12 PM Nov 7th from web

I still don't know what the vacation policy is. Don't know if I get the money instead for days I didn't take or what. 8:11 PM Nov 7th from web

I'm not supposed to take anything big, but I told Laura they're gonna have to wrestle me for this mattress. So like, fair warning on that. 6:21 PM Nov 7th from web

I looked at the clock and it was 5:26. Then I totally waited forever and looked back again and it was still 5:26. 5:28 PM Nov 7th from web

But if I were you I would just stay clear of that room altogether. Some things are better left unexplained. I really believe that. 4:57 PM Nov 7th from web

Most people don't realize that it stands for District of Columbia. Even though technically it is in America. Not sure if it gets a quarter. 4:20 PM Nov 7th from web

I'll show you what I'm talking about when you get here. It's hard to explain. But it's a real good hiding place for spare keys or whatever. 3:31 PM Nov 7th from web

The press pool is not what you think it is, so just wear a normal suit. 2:15 PM Nov 7th from web

If you don't like something you are supposed to just say "I veto it." Like, "I'll take a burger, but I veto the fries." It means not or no. 1:44 PM Nov 7th from web

I did first base and some outfield, but you can pretty much take whatever position you want. Plus it's coed so everybody's not all serious. 1:14 PM Nov 7th from web

So if that ever happens, just jiggle the latch a few times and it should be fine. If not, there's a staff toilet down the hall to the left. 12:02 PM Nov 7th from web

The phone doesn't really have a glass cake thing over it. That's just in the movies. That was one of the first things I noticed. 11:22 AM Nov 7th from web

And then Tuesdays is Frito Pie with choice of applesauce or vegetable medley. But if you can't decide, just say "Both." They don't care. 11:18 AM Nov 7th from web

For some reason the chair doesn't spin all the way around. It has a plastic stopper deal on it. I've harped about it for years. 11:09 AM Nov 7th from web

They will put a damn eagle on anything around here. Even the butter has an eagle on it. 9:54 AM Nov 7th from web

So he said foreign policy is like billiards...and Iraq! Coca-Cola almost came out of my nose. 1:31 AM Nov 7th from web

Sometimes I stand perfectly still in the hall and wait for the tours. I try to see how long I can keep from cracking up. 12:11 AM Nov 7th from web

I've got to be honest, I've got a head statue in my office and I can't tell who it's supposed to be. Looks like a fat Ike. 11:54 PM Nov 6th from web

I think I'm gonna call you switchgrass ...is that cool with you? Switchgrass! 11:46 PM Nov 6th from web

Also, you don't have to bring your lunch. They will make you anything you want. No one told me that the first year. 11:31 PM Nov 6th from web

Just for the record, this place totally smelled like an old lady before I got here. 11:23 PM Nov 6th from web

This is perfect timing. I'm thinking about heading down for Mardi Gras this year. 11:21 PM Nov 6th from web