I'm Thinking I'm Underpaid For This Blog.

I saw this on The Girl's page, and thought, "Wha?" Because, as you'll soon find out, I'm super edumacated.

Click on the link, enter your blog's URL, and you get "graded". Don't ask me how...I'm sure it's a big ole fat random fake-out. (Wow...now there's a post-grad sentence if I've ever heard one!) But I'm ever so proud of the one good grade I ever got in my life...considering the fact that I spend way more time on this blog than I ever did in class. And these days, I'm hardly ever stoned. So, you know, I have that going for me.

How was Christmas, y'all? Mine was busy, chaotic, wonderful, fun, exhausting, headachy, relaxing, delicious, crowded, excrutiating, and pretty damn cool. In that order. Having the entire family together for the first time in forever was a lot of fun...but more importantly, it meant the world to my beloved Mimi. That was the only gift she really wanted, and we were happy to oblige. Uh, and Mimi's on Facebook now. Just FYI. Mark this down as a sign of the apocolypse, mmmkay?

Merry Christmas Eve, Y'all

Now, here is the real Christmas Bitch. :)



It's Christmas Eve, noonish, and I'm at my mom's...still in my jammies. She's baking apple pie in the kitchen, I have this little urchin on my lap as I type, and yeah, I'm a little Christmasy. Tonight we will meet my brother and his family at their church for services...which is a little unsettling with all their rock-n-roll hymns and their Broadway production of the Christmas Story...but hey, it really is nice just to be together. Tomorrow my other brother will arrive and we'll have dinner and sit around telling stories til somebody gets mad or embarrassed....ahhh, good times ;)

I just wanted to tell all of you how much fun I've had playing "blog" this year...and how grateful I am to have met such wonderful new friends. You have entertained me to no end....so, thank you :) I look forward to all of this and more in 2009!

Y'all, have a safe and happy holiday. Merry Christmas!

God, I love this song.

The 2008 Vacation Finals

I'm on vacaaaaaation, I'm on vacaaaaaaation...... *neener neener*

Ok, sorry. I do realize that I'm probably not the only person on vacation this week. Thhhhppppttt. But still, I'm excited, and I've been looking forward to this particular "vacay" (Efen f'n hates that word) more than most. No, not because it's Christmas. Speaking of which, can I just share with you all some holiday cheer that my blogger BFF, The Girl, sent to me? (Hope you don't mind, Girl, I just thought it was so sweet of you, and I cried a little when I saw it, because I'm sentimental that way.)





So for all the rest of you out there....what she said.


Ok, I'll admit, I caught a little bit of the Christmas spirit today. First thing this morning (and I do mean first thing, as in 5:30 am), I took New Guy to the airport and shipped him off to the left coast so that he can spend the holiday with his family. (I'm sure he's reading this from some flippin' beach chair from the Hotel Del Coronado, pleased as punch to have his itinerary splashed about the internet...but you know, it's my duty to report.) I had to work today so I dragged myself on in...knowing that today was the last day of the last work week of the entire year, just wanting to get it over with so I could come home, finish my laundry, and have one full day of rest before I head to Christmas at Mimi's on Monday. I suppose the true spirit of the holiday was evident in many hearts today, because I ran across the sweetest, most caring people....and before you know it, one or two of them had me welling up. I'm not even kidding! Remember that scene in the Grinch where his heart outgrows that little tiny heart-holder he has? That was totally me. I KNOW! Plus, we had those cookies with the Hershey's Kiss in the center. So, yeah. What was I supposed to do?

Actually, this week has the makings of a pretty cool Christmas. As you may know, half of us are in Charlotte and half of us are here in WV. Since my brothers decided it would be prudent to, you know, have children, it has been difficult to get schedules together over the years. In fact, I don't think our entire family has spent Christmas together since before my youngest nieces were born, 8 years ago....but, this year, we'll all be there. And that, I have to admit, is a really nice feeling. We'll gather around the fire, sipping holiday martinis (that's what I'll be having, anyway, and chances are I won't be "sipping"), listening to Poppa read "'Twas The Night Before Christmas", having a family singalong, putting the kids to bed with visions of sugarplums in their head.....and then my brothers and I will get liquored up and tell on each other for having keg parties when our parents were out of town, sneaking out the 2nd floor window, crashing the car doing donuts in the snow (instead of a hit and run in the grocery store parking lot), and getting high in the garage. (Er, uh, I just made that last part up.) Ahhh. Good times.

I have an important meeting with the remote that I'm already late for....so I will update as the week progresses. I'm so hoping for a Griswald moment to report :)

UH!

I lost a follower!

And I cannot offhand tell who it was.

Surely, it had nothing to do with my previous post ;)

The Efen Award

I heard a lot of crying from my male blogger friends (ok just Efen) that they weren't getting any major blogging awards, and as we all know, that is a big deal amongst us Bloggesses.

So, I've created one.

Before I unveil, however, I want to explain who is being awarded with this great honor, and why.

Efen, because, well his name is Efen, and because he not only uses the F word more than anyone I know, but he's always so fascinatingly creative in his use of it. He is, in my opinion, the master and King of all F-Bombs. I've also nominated Bucky, because the post that first drew me to his page was all about eff the effing effers...and I was so impressed that I emailed Efen, and asked him when he'd moved to WV, because I could have sworn it was him.





(Now, Ron, before you start feeling left out, remember that I've awarded you in the past with an "I Heart Your Blog" award. That's way better than this one. Seriously.)

Of course this award can be given to female effers (like, oh, I don't know, Jenny Fabulous comes to mind for some reason), and unlike most awards, memes' etc., this one doesn't come with rules. Any m'fr can have it. Because, you know, fuck rules.

Congrats, guys!

Blogger Love and The Christmas Bitch

The Girl You Don't Bring Home to Momma recently called me a "Christmas Bitch" in one of her comments...which I LOVED. Evidently she is a Christmas Bitch as well, so I'm glad to know I'm in good company :) It's not that I'm completely over this whole holiday thing...but, well, I kinda am. Don't get me wrong...I'm not all about the true meaning of Christmas and all that, but COME ON, people! This shit is getting ridiculous! All you ever hear about is how stressed everyone is, trying to buy all these gifts (many of which are just "token" gifts...ones you have to buy because you know someone else is buying you one, which is complete and total bullshit and pisses me off to no end), or people complaining because they don't have the money for all this senseless gifting, OR people whining about all the baking, and cleaning, and how fat they're getting from all the party food. What is there to love about Christmas anymore?! How about we scale it back a notch or ten, and enjoy time with our loved ones, whomever they may be, have a couple of nice meals, a gift or two, and fucking RELAX?

(ok, geez, I guess I AM a Christmas Bitch!)

Anyway....that wasn't even my point, so let's just get to it. A while back, I got this cute blogger award from The Girl, and my lazy ass is just now getting around to posting it. I think it's adorable, just like she is :)



And so there are rules, but you know how I feel about that. I'm changing them up a little since I don't have a blue million blog friends. The actual rules state that you have to award this to 4 peeps who are regular followers of your blog, plus one newbie. I'm changing it up to ONE regular, and one newbie, because I'm a rebel that way.

So, I chose my oldest (and by "oldest", I totally mean "first") blogger friend, and someone who I haven't really gotten to know very well yet, but am hoping to change that, starting today!

Evil Twin's Wife

and

Texas Gator Girl

Both of you are so sweet, so enjoy your BFF award :)


In addition to my BFF award, I was also given this cool award by the lovely and talented Kristin.

(Geez, I swear I tried to resize her.)

This is one thing I learned about Marie Antoinette on Kristin's page:

"For centuries, Marie has been reviled as a partying slut who lived a lavish life of excess. Of course I'd be given such an award."

So there ya have it.

And, instead of the official rule thing, I'm simply nominating the following Christmas Bitches for their very own partying slut award:

Momma, of The Kitchen, because I heart her :)

The Girl, for her Christmas Bitchiness

Jenny Fabulous, because she rocks as a cousin and a friend!


So, I think that catches me up on both my daily rant and my overdue awards ceremonies. (And by the way, since I am in the 10th grade, I am fighting a losing battle with a Facebook addiction. If any of you out there share my pain, please let me know, so I can add you, and we can send each other drinks and flair and stuff. Mmmkay?)

Hey Ya, Chuck!

I'll admit to being a bit Scroogelle McBitch this holiday season, but did you expect anything less?

This, however, makes me happy! Just try not to smile....totally dare ya.

Snow, Ice, and Things That Are Better Left Unsaid.

Ya know, all damn week I get my happy ass up, drag into work, and do my job.

On the weekend, I'd like to have a little "me" time. (And by "me" I don't just mean "me". Mmmkay?) But no. The snow fairies are dumping all kinds of that freezing white shit on the road tonight, of all nights, when I really really really wanted to hang out with New Guy. It doesn't help that he lives completely on the other end of our fair city -- however smallish it may be to some of you Megopolis dwellers -- it's far to us, ok? So there goes my Friday night...and yeah, it's a pity party at Elle's.

But it's not just that. I had a perfectly miserable day at work. I am by no means a perfect manager, and I don't want to be perfect, because perfect isn't fun. We run a good store. We have good people working there. I think I am pretty accommodating to work for, and I try to make sure everybody gets along. Because we work so closely together and because most of us have been there a very long time, we do behave like something of a family. And with families come dysfunction. There are arguments, there are disagreements, there are grudges and hurt feelings.

Today, it was my normally hard-assed, bitchy, smack talking self who got her feelings hurt.

Me, who can so easily let that stuff slide off my back, who understands that there's no way to make everybody happy all the time, who doesn't much care if you're whispering about me, because I do happen to have other stuff to worry about.

Today, I let it get to me. And tonight I'm hurt, and sorrowful, and still just a little bit mad. Tomorrow, hopefully, I'll be able to push those feelings aside and just behave like I should, and get my work done, and go home. And maybe by Monday I'll have figured out how I want to handle some things...because changes are a-coming.

You want it, you got it.

Yeah, I stole it. So?

As I have been lacking in the original post department lately, Evil Twin's Wife totally had my back without even knowing it. Thanks, Gorgeous!

I stole this meme from her (I can almost hear the flesh on Efen's skin wrinkling up as he cringes at the word "meme") because that's how things go in my house sometimes. I have no shame when it comes to meme theft. So please, enjoy the randomness that is my blog this morning.


46 ODD things about me:

1. Do you like blue cheese? not so much

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? not today

3. Do you own a gun? I do!

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? I don't generally go to Sonic.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? It depends...only if I think there's something really wrong with me!

6. What do you think of hot dogs? They're kind of like sex...even when they're bad, they're still kinda good.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas! (its a childhood thing)

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Bottled water with a caffeine mix-in (cherry flavored)

9. Can you do push ups? No, and hell no.

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? my diamond ring that was passed down from my aunt, who bought it in 1949, for herself.

11. Favorite hobby? Reading, cooking

12. Do you have A.D.D? What? No.

13. What is one trait you hate about yourself? Procrastination.

14. Middle name? Beth

15. What is your favorite TV show or movie? Oooh...that changes periodically. Project Runway, or right now, Top Chef.

16. Name 3 things you bought yesterday. iPhone, shoes, iTunes

17. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink. water, Blue Moon, diet soda of any kind

18. Current worry? let's just not get into that, mmmkay?

19. Current hate right now? Christmas crowds

20. Favorite place to be? Home

21. Where would you like to go? Bali

22. Name three people who will complete this? guessing.... The Girl, maybe Momma, and possibly Vinomom? Or, nobody....it's cool.

(yeah, I know 23 is missing.)

24. What shirt are you wearing? Long red t-shirt that I slept in. (I'm getting in the shower in like 5 minutes, I swear)

25. What year would you go back in time to? Oh good grief...do I have to re-live this shit?

26. Can you whistle? sorta

27. Favorite color? black...or red...or pink.

28. Would you be a pirate? uh....hell yes!

29. Favorite girl’s name? Caroline, or Elizabeth

30. Favorite boy’s name? Drew, or Efen

31. Last thing you dreamed about? Can't remember.

32. What’s in your pocket right now? No pockets.

33. Last thing that made you laugh? Telling Mimi a story about a crazy customer I had.

34. Best Halloween costume? I never really did costumes!

35. Worst injury you’ve ever had? shoulder reconstruction due to unnamed mystery injury of which we shall not speak.

36. Do you like where you live? Yes!

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? 2

38. Who is your loudest friend? Cindy

39. How many dogs do you have? just my crazy Lola

40. Does someone have a crush on you? God, I hope so

41. What is your favorite book(s)? To Kill A Mockingbird

42. What is your favorite candy? M & M's

43. Favorite Sports Team? my what?

44. Favorite Sports? huh?

45. What were you doing 12 AM last night? playing with the iPhone

46. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Do I have to work today? Have I overslept?

Get Your LOLz@Lame Bush

So, way over there to the right, you might notice this thingy that says "Twitter updates". Have you checked out this Twitter thing? It's hard to explain...it's like one or two sentences of what might be going on with you in that particular moment. It's just another one of those useless social networking sites that took me a while to get into, but now I find that I'm about halfway addicted to it. (Don't ask me why, because I could not flippin' tell ya.) You can sign up to "follow" people, and they can "follow" you, and there ya have it. Someone suggested that I "follow" a Twitterer called Lame Bush. Basically, it's told as if this person is George Bush, talking to Barack Obama, giving him tips on what to expect when he gets into the White House. One liners, and you're only getting it from Bush's perspective. I think it's clever and hilarious....and I've taken the liberty of copying many of his Twitter entries for your perusal. I don't think it really matters what your political affiliation is....come on, this shit is funny!




Ugh! Packing! about 23 hours ago from Twittelator

I could understand if it was North Korea. But in the South? Really? Not one TV in the whole bar is on the biggest NASCAR race of the year? 11:15 AM Nov 30th from web

Every damn year I pardon the smallest turkey. Like who's not making that call? 12:02 AM Nov 27th from Twittelator

Cheney keeps bumping into me in the halls. Or he'll step in front of me then suddenly stop. I think he's trying to get me to say "pardon." 9:47 AM Nov 25th from web

I was thinking about doing up a slideshow about all our fun times here. I could play that real slow Green Day tune. Not the one from Dookie. 2:28 PM Nov 24th from web

You understand when I say "from where I'm sitting" I just mean my perspective, right? Like my vantage point? Not literally the actual chair. 4:54 PM Nov 18th from web

You’ll get Ikea, but they won’t let you order anything. Like it’s gonna ruin the décor or something. God forbid a lamp was made after 1492.... 12:27 PM Nov 17th from web

Area 51 is just an Air Force base. They keep all the freaky stuff at Area 52. Ask about goat boy, that kid is weird. 6:34 PM Nov 15th from web

Is that your other line or mine? 12:23 PM Nov 15th from web

Picture my face, sitting there with like a 68-pound steak while everyone else eats salads. Carter will punk you. Just a question of when. 10:15 AM Nov 15th from web

I was thinking about appointing some judges or something, but it's past 5:00 on a Friday. So I'm gonna finish off the week with some Tetris. 6:18 PM Nov 14th from web

No, rednecks aren't just American. Like, you know who's a redneck? Qadaffi... Oh, my God. You should totally take him a peeing Calvin. 2:01 PM Nov 14th from web

I never said Animals isn't great. But now if you're talking desert island, I'm going Dark Side, Wish You Were Here and The Wall. That order. 6:31 PM Nov 13th from web

You know what will probably freak me out the most? The first time somebody hands me money with a picture of my head on it. 12:00 PM Nov 13th from web

So anytime you want something, just hit that little doorbell thing with your foot. One ring means your iced tea is low. Two is more bread. 2:40 PM Nov 12th from web

Everything that happened along the way plays back through your mind and that's when you realize it. Bruce Willis was dead the whole movie. 9:36 PM Nov 11th from web

I was bored so I put all the takeout menus in a little blue binder for you. Wang's is right on top. Promise me you'll do the shrimp. 6:53 PM Nov 11th from web

It's pretty solid, but I think you should push it a little more. Remember, good codenames are the enemy of great codenames. 9:31 PM Nov 10th from web

Sometimes I just sit in his lap and think about everything. They have to block off the whole monument for that though. 9:10 PM Nov 10th from web

Air hockey, Skeeball, Pop-a-Shot. I'm telling you, it's a regular Chuck E. Cheese right there in the basement. They don't have pizza though. 3:22 PM Nov 10th from web

So when you get to Camp David flip that switch before you even unpack. That way you'll have hot water. 12:11 PM Nov 10th from web

Tons of early Eagles, Heart, Journey. Some is protected, but there's still like 140gig in tunes on here. Just look under Shared, Music, W. 10:02 AM Nov 10th from web

With all the crazy stuff that goes on around here, somebody should do a book about this place. Hell I'd buy it. 10:38 PM Nov 9th from web

Example? Let's see. There’s a dude called the Deputy Chief of Staff, but he doesn't really carry a gun or a badge. It’s a figure of speech.... 7:18 PM Nov 9th from web

You learn a lot just listening. Like what's that country that starts with Y? What is it? Yeah, yeah. I didn't even know that place existed. 6:25 PM Nov 9th from web

But everyone's pretty cool though. They'll let you come and go as you please as long as you get all your work done. 4:23 PM Nov 9th from web

Sure. I can hold. 1:43 PM Nov 9th from web

Plus, you can call anybody and they pretty much have to take it. Like once I called Frank Gifford just to ask if he was still alive. He was. 12:49 PM Nov 9th from web

Like once I asked, "How do they make Cher's voice sound like that in that song?" They'll even do you up a book report on stuff like that. 11:52 AM Nov 9th from web

I know, right? When I first saw it I was like, "Whaaa? You expect me to mow all this?" But no, no, they totally have people for that. 9:37 AM Nov 9th from web

You know what, I think I know where the confusion is now. See where I come from, "barbecue" is the actual meat itself, not just a cookout. 11:06 PM Nov 8th from web

So I said, “If you think that’s torture try sitting through a damn G8 summit.” I mean, wake me up when that deal is over, you know? Come on.... 9:57 PM Nov 8th from web

I'm not kidding either. Five times in eight years, tops. So now I guess I'm supposed to just toss out like 5000 business cards. 8:20 PM Nov 8th from web

Cause the last thing you want is to get all the way to the East Wing and realize you left the side door to the Oval unlocked. 2:02 PM Nov 8th from Twittelator

But yeah, it's just firstname@whitehouse.com. I mean, unless there's already somebody with your first name. I don't think there is though. 11:12 PM Nov 7th from web

I still don't know what the vacation policy is. Don't know if I get the money instead for days I didn't take or what. 8:11 PM Nov 7th from web

I'm not supposed to take anything big, but I told Laura they're gonna have to wrestle me for this mattress. So like, fair warning on that. 6:21 PM Nov 7th from web

I looked at the clock and it was 5:26. Then I totally waited forever and looked back again and it was still 5:26. 5:28 PM Nov 7th from web

But if I were you I would just stay clear of that room altogether. Some things are better left unexplained. I really believe that. 4:57 PM Nov 7th from web

Most people don't realize that it stands for District of Columbia. Even though technically it is in America. Not sure if it gets a quarter. 4:20 PM Nov 7th from web

I'll show you what I'm talking about when you get here. It's hard to explain. But it's a real good hiding place for spare keys or whatever. 3:31 PM Nov 7th from web

The press pool is not what you think it is, so just wear a normal suit. 2:15 PM Nov 7th from web

If you don't like something you are supposed to just say "I veto it." Like, "I'll take a burger, but I veto the fries." It means not or no. 1:44 PM Nov 7th from web

I did first base and some outfield, but you can pretty much take whatever position you want. Plus it's coed so everybody's not all serious. 1:14 PM Nov 7th from web

So if that ever happens, just jiggle the latch a few times and it should be fine. If not, there's a staff toilet down the hall to the left. 12:02 PM Nov 7th from web

The phone doesn't really have a glass cake thing over it. That's just in the movies. That was one of the first things I noticed. 11:22 AM Nov 7th from web

And then Tuesdays is Frito Pie with choice of applesauce or vegetable medley. But if you can't decide, just say "Both." They don't care. 11:18 AM Nov 7th from web

For some reason the chair doesn't spin all the way around. It has a plastic stopper deal on it. I've harped about it for years. 11:09 AM Nov 7th from web

They will put a damn eagle on anything around here. Even the butter has an eagle on it. 9:54 AM Nov 7th from web

So he said foreign policy is like billiards...and Iraq! Coca-Cola almost came out of my nose. 1:31 AM Nov 7th from web

Sometimes I stand perfectly still in the hall and wait for the tours. I try to see how long I can keep from cracking up. 12:11 AM Nov 7th from web

I've got to be honest, I've got a head statue in my office and I can't tell who it's supposed to be. Looks like a fat Ike. 11:54 PM Nov 6th from web

I think I'm gonna call you switchgrass ...is that cool with you? Switchgrass! 11:46 PM Nov 6th from web

Also, you don't have to bring your lunch. They will make you anything you want. No one told me that the first year. 11:31 PM Nov 6th from web

Just for the record, this place totally smelled like an old lady before I got here. 11:23 PM Nov 6th from web

This is perfect timing. I'm thinking about heading down for Mardi Gras this year. 11:21 PM Nov 6th from web

No more turkey....PLEASE.

The first official holiday weekend of the 2008 Thanksgiving/Christmas extravaganza, is over.

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and that you were able to enjoy your family and friends with nary an incident. True to my word, New Guy and I enjoyed a wonderful, stress-free day, and might I add that our Thanksgiving-for-two dinner was fantastic. We were most impressed with our culinary skillz...even though neither of us have ever actually been grown-up enough to have made our own whole turkey before. I handled side dishes, rolls, etc., and left the turkey to him, and through the magic of the internet (thank you, YouTube , for all your help), we pulled off one fabulous presentation. At one point I looked at our spread and had to ask again exactly how many people we were having over...since it appeared that we were serving the Waltons, the Baldwin Sisters, and everyone else on Walton's Mountain...and was reminded that it was just the two of us. Mmmkay....we might have had a few (tons of) leftovers. But that's all part of the day, right?

My store was open at 7:00 am the day after Thanksgiving, you know, for the traditional Black Friday rush on eyeglasses. *sigh* I wandered in there with the largest Sugar-Free Red Bull I could find and listened to the crickets chirping for 3 hours until we saw the first customer of the day. Of course we're not that busy on Thanksgiving weekend...in fact, it begins our month long dry spell until the weekend before New Year's, when everyone remembers that they have Flexible Spending Accounts and other insurance benefits that have to be used before the end of the year, and figure out that they have to have what they want and they want it NOW, because, you know, they've only had 360 days to do this. Again, can I get a collective *sigh* here?

Yesterday, we went to see the new James Bond. Uh...can I just say, hotness? I mean, I loved Sean Connery and the other Bonds too...but the modern day Daniel Craig as Bond is sheer deliciousness. He's just fucking cool. The movie has gotten mixed reviews, but I thought it was great. Lots of amazing action sequences, a storyline I (as a lover of chick flicks and romantic comedy) was actually able to follow, and of course, Bond himself. So, you know, in my completely uninformed, girlie opinion, it's a good movie. Two snaps in a Z formation from me....but next, I want to see this!

All in all, a great weekend, and now it's Monday again, and I have to start getting ready for work.

Can I just get one more collective *sigh*?

***UPDATE*** I just realized that my links don't work. Just pretend like they are, 'kay? I don't know what I did wrong. Evidently, I should stick to cooking dinner and not try to be all "IT" and shit.

***UPDATE 2***And a huge shout-out and thank you to Ron for showing me the error of my ways! The links work now. I think. Probably should have checked that first, huh?