Can You Drive To China?

How is it possible that I finally get an entire weekend off, and I'm up at 5:00 am? Seriously? I might have been able to go back to sleep if A.) I hadn't eaten 679,392 carbs before bedtime and I woke up hungry, and B.) it wasn't some kind of effing kiln in the bedroom. Ok, maybe I tend to stretch things a little. Maybe. A little. But still. It's warmish here, and while that is a very welcome feeling, my bedroom is unprepared for warmish. So today I shall shun the quilt and get the Spring bedding prepared....which as we all know means that three days from now we'll have a massive blizzard and the entire Mid-Atlantic region will be covered in ice until May.

Anyway.

So, I got a call the other day from my beloved Mimi. She and Poppa are preparing to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary this summer. (August 26, in fact...my birthday. Way to steal a girl's thunder, y'all.) They figure that since they've managed to stay married that long, raise 3 somewhat well-adjusted children, and somehow still have not killed and/or maimed each other or any of us kids, they deserve to treat themselves. I'm almost certain that in Mimizzle's mind, "treat" is akin to "big ass diamond". However, Poppa has something else in mind.

He wants to go to China.

Aack! China! I KNOW. Who goes to China? I'm not particularly surprised that my dad would want to go there...he's all interested in history and cultures and things of that nature. Mimi, on the other hand, is interested in diamonds. My dad was in the Marines back in the day, and he's seen much of Europe but has always wanted to go to Asia. Mimi, on the the other hand, was poor back in the day, and she's had smallish to mediumish to somewhat largish diamonds, but she's always wanted the Grand Behemoth of Bling. So, they're making a compromise. They will plan their trip together, and then secretly, Mimi will buy her own diamond, and I guarantee he won't even notice. Everybody's happy! See how they've managed to stay together so long?

Okay, back to China. First, Mimi has issues with flying. She has terrible anxiety, her ears get plugged up, and she's miserable for a couple of days afterward. I'm still not certain she realizes exactly how long this trip is going to take....but she's already put the word on the street that she'll be requiring some lovely American parting gifts in the form of Xanax and Valium. So...you know that as soon as the news broke, my smartass brothers (and Jenny Fabulous too!) had to start with the fun-making.


"You know that it's not like going to the China Buffet, right?"

"I'd stay away from the duck sauce. I'm just sayin'."

"I really don't have the money to get you out of a Communist jail."

"Maybe mom can get some accupuncture for her Gurd while she's there."

"China? They're not going to adopt anybody are they?" (Hehe....that from J-Fab!)

"Heaven help her if she gets over there and her bladder falls out again."

"I really can't think of anything I want you to bring me from China. Can you go to Paris instead?"

And so it goes.....my family can find just about anything to make fun of about each other. It's part of our charm. They're also thinking about a Mediterranean cruise instead, because, you know, that's the same. ;) Truthfully, I don't care where they go, as long as they have the time of their lives.

And they don't spend too much of my inheritance.