Top Ten Reasons I'll Never Move To Wichita...and One Reason I Would

Hey, Bitches. (that includes you man-bitches too, ya know.)

So funny that I actually picked up a follower seeing as how I am virtually blog-free as of late...but welcome to the party, New Follower! Now, go fix us a drink......


Where did I leave off? Oh yeah. So, I went to Wichita. Ever been to Wichita? It's flat, basically. And stormy-ish. When I left Charleston that morning it was a balmy 90 degrees....I get off the plane in Wichita at 4:30ish Dorothy time (right onto the efen tarmac no less), it was like 50 degrees! A windy 50 at that. And me with my ass teetering along in my peep-toed hooker heels and capris. Whatever. McConnell Air Force Base (where our store lease is located) is dismal and creepy and frankly, a little ghetto. If you're my friend on Facebook, you know that my MIT was nearly 30 minutes late meeting me on our first morning. Ahem. Imagine my demeanor the rest of the day. Now imagine the look of fear in her eyes when she finally rolled in with her wet, wheezy cough. Yeah, it was like THAT. She said she "forgot". What the fuckity fuck does that mean? And guess who got a surprise audit the next day??? Hehehehe. Late.

So, I don't really have reasons why I wouldn't live in Wichita, (not that I couldn't think of some), but I do have one reason I would. One of my high school BFF's, Sarah, lives there. I'd seen her once about 7 years ago, briefly, but during this trip I got to spend some real time with her. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful it was to fall right back into that easy banter that we'd always shared, and to laugh at the stupidest things that nobody else finds funny. She has the quirkiest sense of humor...for instance, she has this ginormous old dog with breath from HELL. I mean, in the immortal words of Charles Yeager (not the pilot, the hottie from high school), that dog's breath smelled like "10 dead cows that had been laying in the road for 3 days that had been trod upon my other cows with diarrhea." Seriously. Sarah sees me reacting to the visible death fumes escaping from the dog's panting mouth and tells me that she's supposed to brush it's teeth....and that it's toothpaste tastes like chicken. Why that sent us into fits of laughter, I don't know...but I'm so happy it did. Sarah is that wonderful mixture of goofy and serious that always surprises you a little bit when she busts out with something completely retarded. She was my one high school friend that my parents approved of because she always appeared so lovely and well-spoken and responsible. And while she was all those things, she was also my wonderful, funny, smart, beautiful, accomplished, silly friend. I love her dearly and I miss her madly already. :(

In other news, my beloved Mimi and I are leaving for our mother-daughter May beach vacation in 10 dayyyyyyyyyys. Gawd, I look forward to this trip. I can't wait to just be decadent and lazy for a week. And while Mother's Day falls a week earlier, we will be celebrating with mimosas and strawberry French toast, just the two of us. I already have her present picked out, I just can't tell y'all about it or link you to a photo because she reads this blog! I hope she loves it as much as I love her :)

Jeebus....I'm sickly sweet and lovey tonight, which is a sure efen sign that I need to wrap this crap up and move on, right? Hope everyone is doing well....Gigi, I'm keeping up on One Baby's progress. With Jenny Fab being preggers at the same time, I'm so excited for both of you :) The Girl....I do check in with you as much as I can on my iPhone, but for some reason your page kicks me offline before I've finished reading! Actually, that happens with a few others too...so I need to get back on the laptop and catch up with everyone and let you know I'm still alive and bitchy!

xoxo