Dear Anonymous....

Ya know, there are some days when even MY sunny damn disposition gets tested. I'm normally not a fighter. I don't care for confrontation, nor do I enjoy verbal dispute. Oh, I'll do it, I just don't particularly consider that a winning part of my day. I think we should all pick our battles carefully, because there are WAY too many other, more important things to worry about than being an asshole.

Or so you'd think.

What I really don't understand are "anonymous" commenters. I mean, seriously, why comment at all? You don't have to comment. You can peruse the internet and stalk blogs all the live long day, and I'm sure there are some of you who even read this blog faithfully who never leave a comment. And I'm cool with that, really! That's one reason most of us even spew our blog drivel to begin with....we like knowing that we have an audience. If we wanted to make our blogs private, we would do so. I'm sure there are one or two of you out there who send out an anonymous comment now and then with no other intention than to just add your .02. So be it! Perfectly within your rights. And if I, or any other blogger, wanted to block anonymous comments, we can certainly do so. So far (oh, that would probably be what we might refer to as "foreshadowing") I haven't had any issues with anyone wanting to post maliciously on my site under the umbrella of darkness called "anonymous."

Recently, however, my sweetness and charm was put to the test on my friend Trisha's page. Some illiterate coward decided to take it upon him/herself (who knows which gender it is...it sounds like a girl but it could easily be a man with no balls) to be abusive and outright stupid not only to Trisha, but to her friends who came to her defense. I'm good with you wanting to state your opinion about something, but try and find a little respect first (1.) and (2.) show yourself. Don't regurgitate your venom and call yourself "anonymous", because that's the first step in making sure NO ONE will take you seriously. (Not that we would have anyway...but you'll have that.) This particular douchenozzle was also fond of pointing out how uneducated we all were, all the while misspelling half of what it wrote. Just don't take me there, ok? Because if you're ready to make fun of someone, you better not have a fucking "kick me" sign already posted on your own back.

As for "Ms. Manners", I'm hoping she whimpered off in search of some. I do hate that she made her profile private mid-way through "Blogger Smackdown '09", because it would have been nice to have found her, and made sure her particular brand of "professional advice" was discredited, as it should be.

Do I sound bitter? Who cares. Some people are mean and stupid, and I put up with enough of that shit in my everyday life. I don't have to put up with it here.

Oh, and I kept thinking that even though it was Big Bad Anonymous, I couldn't help but be reminded of someone. Oh yeah........these guys.




Thanks, Efen!

"F'n Fingers Broke?", Part Deux.

Yes, I got yet another "message" from Efen. I'm not sure what it meant, other than possibly "Get off your ass and update your blog, bitch." God, what a sweet talker he is! Drips with honey, I tell ya.

So another week has passed, and I'm not even going to go into all that crybaby "I'm so busy" bullshit with you people yet again. Y'all know the drill. I see that I haven't picked up any new followers, although I'm not sure why there's not more of a demand to subscribe to this high-speed blog. I update very nearly once a week now, so I can understand why it would be hard for people to keep up. Quite honestly, I don't understand why I haven't LOST followers, unless it's just curiosity and they want to find out whether or not my disappearing, hooker-heeled, meth-scarred body was discovered in a dumpster behind the K-Mart. (Geez, that was weird. And just to answer the question, it's a definite "not yet".)

Work has been really busy...blah blah blah...*see previous post*...blah blah blah....oh, but I did find out that I won't have to make the long drive to Staunton just yet. I'll be sticking with 2 stores within a 90 minute drive, at least for a few months. And I'm still trying to hire someone part-time, so if you're in my general vicinity and need or know someone who needs a part-time job, give a girl a holla. (Ron, I already told you...it's just way too long of a commute. But thanks!)

I'm so ready for vacation. My beloved Mimi and I are planning our annual May beach trip. We were thinking about a cruise, and may still do one later in the year. Quite honestly, I am looking forward to a solid week of just rest and relaxation by the ocean. We sleep and read and drink and soak up the sun and shop and go out for dinner every night and don't follow a schedule whatsoever. It's heavenly, and I cannot wait! We always have the best time and come home feeling truly like we've had a great vacation, rather than being exhausted because we felt like we had to pack in a bunch of "fun". We're going to take a day and drive over to Charleston SC and scope out where we might want to stay on our next trip....I love Charleston, and we always say we're going to go, and we never do. This time, for sure...it's simply a beautiful city, vibrant yet relaxing, and I love to daydream about living there.




Seriously, I need a pink waterfront mansion, y'all.


Lola and I are going to go curl up in bed and not watch the Oscars. (Why? The red carpet is over already, and Perez Hilton and People Magazine will have all the must-know info. (Surely there is a Jacques Pepin cooking show on somewhere...he's my current old French chef crush. My current not-so-old-French chef crush, Eric Ripert, doesn't have a show of his own. But he totally should. ZEXY!)

Peace out, bitches.

Allow Me To Introduce Myself...

I think I forgot how to blog!

Oh yeah. Anyway....

So the craziness is kind of over, for now. I not only survived the visit from the big bosses, but I kicked said visit's ASS. Nothing but good stuff all around when it comes to that...I knew I was getting this promotion but evidently my boss's boss wanted to make things "official" and "welcome me to the team." (Hehe...shut up, Efen.)

Okay. Can we just talk about the hotness that is my V.P.? No? Inappropriate? Probably...and in the off chance that he stumbles upon this blog one day, let me just say....hotness, and leave it at that. Years ago someone even talked him into "modeling" frames for our national account, unfortunately I can't find any of those pictures to post for your enjoyment! (I know, again...probably inappropriate.) I digress.

What this all means for me is that I will be doing more traveling, outside of the training thing. Two days a week I will be in other stores, targeting whatever issues might be going on, or whatever extra boost of training that might benefit those stores. I will have two stores "assigned" to me for 60 to 90 days, and after that, I'll move on to two others. There are several stores in my area that would simply make a day trip for me, but the big boss told my boss that he wanted to see me "frazzled". Huh? He told her that he doesn't think I "get frazzled", and he wanted to make that happen to see how I handled it.

Jesus Christ in a rowboat...I'm not gonna let him see me frazzled. (I'm talking about the big boss, not J.C. Just to clarify. HE sees me frazzled.) My boss and I laughed and laughed over that one, because she sure as hell has seen me frazzled too. His way, apparently, of frazzling me, is to have me take on one store which is a 2 hour drive (not a problem) and another store in STAUNTON, VA, which is something like 4 hours away. Ok, let's recap: Once a week, I have to work in my store for nearly a full day, get in my car, drive 4 hours, stay in a hotel, work in Staunton all day, get in my car and drive 4 hours back. Then drive 2 hours to Clarksburg, WV, work, drive 2 hours home. Work in my store the other 3 days. Find a day off to take. OH, and let's not forget my other job as a trainer, where they come to my store for a week, then I find a week to go to their store.

Frazzled? How about "Coke-Spoon Mary"? Because I'm not sure even doubling up on the Extra Strength 5-Hour Energy Shots are going to cover it. Do I sound like I'm complaining? Probably...but y'all know I'm good at the complaining, and I kinda like it. Does it sound like I'm excited? Probably not. But let me just tell you....I am beyond excited. It's a very good thing for me...and my company is making a lot of changes and we're growing while everyone else is shutting down. And I get to be a part of that. (Oh, and the latest update on that whole travel thing is that my boss is trying to nix the Staunton thing...for now, anyway. So yeah, that'll certainly help! I'll have to do that eventually, but you know I like to ease into things ;)

I'm sorry I haven't been commenting much...there's no way I can get all caught up. I've also been experiencing weird internet problems yet afuckingain. My wireless is jacked up so I'm plugged directly into the modem, and sometimes even that doesn't work. Not New Guy comes over and jiggles it and whispers something to it and voila, it works....for a while, anyway. I ask him what he did to fix it and it's like he goes into some transcendental state and my eyes glaze over and I never fully get the gist of what he's telling me. Then we drink, and who gives a shit after that.

So...it was Valentine's weekend. (If some of you weren't aware.) Traditionally, I have sucky Valentine's Days...and NOT in the good way. Years ago when the Unfortunate First Husband and I were separating, this was that day I removed my wedding rings for the final time. Last year, the ex-BF and I broke up for the 2nd of 3 times on Valentine's Day. Most of the ones in between those were spent in a horrifically doomed long distance relationship. So, you could say that I set my expectations low. But...Not New Guy gave me something that is special to me and to our relationship, and it really meant more to me than I think he realizes. (Yes, he'll read this...and just so you know, Not New Guy...I took that inscription to heart.) I had, for the first time since I can even remember, a perfectly wonderful Valentine.

Life is good, y'all :)

p.s. Go over to Texas Gator Girl's page and wish her a HAPPY BIRTHDAY on Monday! I love ya, girl!

Trainer Girl

Ok, y'all know I have a new manager trainee in my store this week. She's from Montana, about 27 years old, and she's really sweet. More importantly, she's on the ball and making my job relatively easy. She's kind of...um....outdoorsy. I'm all "Aack! Hand lotion! Get some hand lotion!" and she's all "What for?" and I'm all "Aack!" again, while I'm fishing around in my pockets for one of like 6 tubes of lipstick that I carry around with me, lest my lips begin to look pale or something equally horrifying thoughout the day. She's a really cute girl, in her own dry-handed, no hair product, permanently wind-chapped kind of way. Hey, I'm not judging. Although she did say something about "...yeah, when you come to Montana, there's this cave, and........." suddenly I'm hearing Charlie Brown's teacher as soon as she says "cave". Cave?! WTF am I gonna do with a cave?

So yesterday I'm dicking around (that's really attractive, isn't it? "Dicking around"...so feminine and demure) and as I have done with my own staff from time to time, I joke about my age. It's kind of this running thing where I like to say I'm older than I really am. Some days it's because I need to RUN, not walk, to the colorist, because my gray hair is ridiculously out of control, or because the sweater that I thought looked cute in the store suddenly starts looking all Golden Girls. Yesterday it was because my in-need-of-a-replacement knee was aching like a m'fr because it's so cold here, and I was hobbling around and joking about my arthritic joints....and I said "Well, you'll have that when you're 51." She looked at me kind of sideways, and we went on about our day.

Tonight we went to dinner after work, and she was asking about my family, blah blah blah...and I mentioned something about my dad being like, 68 or 69. She got this sideways look again, and said "Well, gosh, he must have had you pretty young then."

"Pardon?"

"Well, you know....if you're 51."

Aaack!

Geez, Trainer Girl, that was a fucking joke.

But I look GOOD for 51. Right?

Introducing....Me. Again.

Much like Britney Spears, I've reinvented myself.

And, much like Britney Spears....not so much.

I've just changed my "profile name"...evidently there is another "Laura" who lurks and comments in the same circles as I do, and on some blogs our pictures do not show up...which has led to more than one confusing reply to a comment that I, or she, has made. So, my "comment name" will heretofore be.... ELLE.

Half of you already call me that anyway, because it's a nickname from back in the day that Efen knew me by, and he brought it onto this forum and slowly but surely, many of you picked up on it. Vinomom even inquired about the origins of said nickname in one of her posts, so for the rest of you not in the know, here's the deal: "Elle" is simply short for "L", which is short for "LB", which is short for "Laura Beth". I know, the people who give me nicknames are lazy m'frs, right? Kind of like how Rachael Ray shortens "extra virgin olive oil" to "EVOO" because it's shorter, and then proceeds to explain that "EVOO" is "extra virgin olive oil", which kind of negates the need for a shortened name, right?

Huh? Where was I?....

Anyway.

I've got today off from work, because the new MIT is arriving tonight from Montana, and I'll be working with her through Saturday. I spoke with her on the phone the other day, and she's all perky and shit....which you know is gonna be a problem. Seems that when she was a child, her parents quit their jobs and sailed with her around the world. Yeah. I know. One of those people. I kid, I kid...she actually sounds like she's really got a lot going on, and she's already far ahead of the last guy in terms of her "homework", which will make things much easier for me this week. Hopefully everything will go smoothly, and I'll have some time to focus on my everyday job...because...........

.....Holy shit. The senior vice president of operations is flying in from Atlanta to meet with me next week. He's the #3 guy in the company, reporting only to the COO. I've met him before, within a group of about 600 other people, so I'm quite certain he doesn't remember me in spite of my dazzling wit and personality. My company is going through a lot of changes, we are acquiring new divisions, and senior management is putting all their ducks in a row....evidently, I'm a duck in waiting. I'm not sure yet what this all means for me, for now or in the future, but it's all pretty exciting/nervewracking/crazy/stressful/wicked cool.

So yeah, I have to fess up and tell you that I'm WAY behind on even my lurking! And there is no way I can catch up...so please forgive me if, for the time being, I'm even more half-assed than usual in my commenting. But the good news is, if you're on Facebook with me, I'm on there ALL the time! (hehehehe...just kidding...Efen ;)